“I would tell you that every single person you will ever meet shares one common desire. They want to know: ‘Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?’” – Oprah Winfery
When I sat down to write this post I thought … ugh … here we go … listening. For me, it’s the HARDEST of all the lmprov rules on my list. However, it’s probably the MOST critical of all the rules. If we do not listen … and I mean REALLY listen … We lose the respect of others, we lose the interest of others and we lose our sense of learning.
I will never forget the first time I went blank on stage. In Improv we don’t have scripts … there are no memorized lines. All we have is the other actor(s) we are on stage with, our eyes and our ears. Listening is a CRITICAL part of how Improv works. My only job when up there is to react to and build upon the last thing that was said. If you are not listening … you will bomb … quickly.
So there I was, on stage in a scene … I was NOT in the moment, NOT listening and too busy thinking about what I’d say next. As soon as I was asked something … I froze … I realized I had NO clue what she asked me and NO clue where we were in the scene. So I made something up and tried to be funny which bombed. It was brutal.
Now, looking back at that moment … it was a gift. I learned VERY quickly how important listening was to Improvising. Nothing else mattered but that.
This Improv lesson has absolutely translated over into my business and personal life. I really started paying attention to it. When I listened? When I didn’t? The triggers? What could I do to stay focused? Over the last year I’ve come up with some ways to really help me listen. I’d love to share them with you.
- Repeat words – I find that when I repeat things the person I’m talking to says, it helps me not only clarify the content but it keeps me from drifting away into my own thoughts.
- Turn off all distractions – Conference calls are the worst. I’m not a fan. But they are an essential part of business today. So when I am on a call … I power down my computer, I close my iPad, I put my phone on silent, I turn down my music. Then I get out a pad of paper, a pen … and listen.
- Take notes – When conducting face to face meetings, nothing shows someone that you are engaged in what they have to say, than when you take notes. Also, unless you have the memory of an elephant, notes help you retain information. So it’s a win win. Same with conference calls. A pen and paper can help you stay focused.
- Ask questions – Seek first to understand! I keep this quote in my office. Questions are critical, because if you don’t truly understand, then you will mis-communicate. And it could set off a chain of really bad events. Never be afraid to ask questions. It shows you are engaged.
- Slow down – I constantly have to tell myself that if I really want to learn and listen, I need to slow down. I find that when I can slow all the thoughts down in my head, I am no longer in a hurry and can enjoy the person I’m in a conversation with.
- Set reminders – I love a good quote! My office is filled with great reminders and quotes to keep me motivated. Find words that mean something to you about what it means to listen, and put them up around your home or your office to remind you to listen!
- Ask for help – Let people know your working on this. Have them hold you accountable and you do the same for them! Support helps … so use the people closest to you … you can all work on it together!
- Remember how good you feel when YOU are listened to – I always think of my favorite listeners and how good they make me feel … I want to be that person to someone … so I strive to make it a goal.
What are some things you do to help you listen with more focus?
Be well. Be Inspired!
Judi
